Months Later..

While helping my boyfriend's dad work with his webpage, I remembered that I haven't updated this blog in... forever! It has been what, 7 months now? WOW time has flown!

Just to let everyone know what is going on, I have successfully finished college and moved out of my parents' house and in with my boyfriend and his family. There are many upsides and downsides to this move and let me just say... stress is getting the best of me!

I have been struggling to find a job in the area and now I am in the process of officially moving information over so that the Cherokee will be in my name and other adult stuff that needs to be done when you move from one location to another (especially different states!)

Of course with moving, I no longer have my parents paying for things such as food. While I am grateful and realize just how much my parents have helped me by letting me live with them, paying for food, house payments and other things.... I am also really happy that now I have a little more control over what I eat.

My ''hobby'' lately is browsing around on a website affiliated with Facebook and Twitter, called Pinterest. This website is like a digital board where you can pin up pictures that have an attached link to another website. My favorites are under the Food & Drinks where people like to share their favorite recipes. I'm a new cook so when I see something that looks good, I am able to check out the recipe and view the ingredients needed to make it and if I really like them... I pin it up on my own board for later use!

I've been trying to find healthier recipes and alternatives to food and for the past month my boyfriend and I have cut the amount of times we had fast food for dinner in half. I try to make PB&J sandwiches for him for lunches when he goes to work but there are times where he doesn't want them, we don't have bread (because it doesn't look like we'll ever run out of peanut butter or jelly), or I simply forgot to make them or didn't feel like it.

Exercise has for the most part been to the minimum. I've been more active inside the house as far as cleaning the house or just trying to keep moving around. Because it is technically winter right now I just haven't felt like moving around, although this is the best time of year (in my opinion) to try to get in the habit of walking and starting the long trek to train myself how to run.

As far as losing weight... it is still finding its way back to my hips. I'll lose 5-10lbs and then the next month it will find it's way back on the scale. I believe it is because I am constantly changing things... where I live, what I'm eating, how much exercise I have been doing. I haven't been keeping up things nearly as much as I should. Hopefully before spring rolls around I will be doing much better about remaining constant in some things and able to adapt better to changes.

Not sure what else to update here with for now! I will be updating a lot more often, I hope :)
Sometimes taking a step back and reviewing what has happened in the past months is a good way to make more positive changes. If you don't like what is going on, just look at what you're doing, what you're eating, who you have been around.... and change those things for the better. One thing I want to change is getting out of the house and doing more with my boyfriend, even if it is walking around in the yard a few times when he gets home from work, or go to a park on his day off and walk a few laps around the lake.

Hopefully I'll get back on track soon!

Emotional Problems

Well, after spending a couple of weeks on 'vacation' at my boyfriend's house I have returned home. I meant to make a blog post earlier but as of the past week or so I have hit an emotional wall regarding my weight loss journey and I am currently trying to climb over that wall to move on.

I have been struggling to lose weight for so many years and always failed because I couldn't find the motivation to keep it up. Countless diets... some like the south beach diet, and some I've made up on my own. Since it has been getting hotter outside I have noticed how hard it is to do much of anything and have a harder time being able to catch my breath. I've noticed that I have gained at least 10 pounds in the past year and that realization has really hit home while I was at my boyfriend's house.

There is no better way of putting it, but I have cried almost every night because it has finally hit me of how hard this journey is going to be. Thankfully once my spring quarter ends in a couple of weeks I will be able to reboot how computer habits so that I will spend less time sitting and more time moving around. I've been able to talk to my neighbor about using her pool for exercises, even though I hate going by myself and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know if I should swim in the early mornings, or what time would be best. My neighbor watches her grandson during the weekdays so I need to figure out when I should go swimming and not be in their way if he wants to swim. I can't exactly share the pool with him since he is a lot younger and I will be doing water exercises, like water jogging.

I haven't been able to start the rule of exercising before getting on the computer yet. I'm ashamed of that, but I have started taking frequent breaks from the computer. I have found links for exercises that I want to try to start doing. I couldn't start them at my boyfriend's as a majority of them do involve a ball. Stability ball, whatever you may want to call it. I have mine here at home so I do want to start those sort of exercises again next to walking.

I don't know... I have felt so lost and depressed because I have been trying to mentally prepare and plan on what all I'm going to do and not only have I not actually started on anything but I've gained a few pounds. It's hard to look at myself in the mirror or even put my clothes on because while I don't think I've physically look like I've gained, just knowing I have makes me think that my stomach looks larger. I haven't really received as much support about my weight loss journey as I thought I would. Being overweight and trying to do something about it does take a lot of emotional strain, especially when you go walking and you get out of breath and tired before you've even walked for 5 minutes.

I need a buddy to help me through this, I think. Someone to talk about my strategies and plans, maybe go walking with me twice a month or more. If not physically being there to help, someone to keep talking to me about it and keep me pumped up and determined to do this.

I can do this. I know I can and I want to. I just need help.

Exercise VS Computers

Someone I keep up with on an art community website has set a new rule for herself and I plan on following in her footsteps with it. I think that in the long run it will prove to be effective and habit changing. To her it was a matter of breaking up an addiction with the internet which honestly... I think I need to do the same.

The new rule is: Do at least 30 minutes of cardio type exercise before getting on the computer.
I'm adding on more to it - If I break this rule, I am to do the exercise for 30 minutes at least three times during the day.

The point of adding on that is merely as a consequence. My goal isn't to just do exercises, it is to change my habit of jumping on the computer first thing. I'm going to be training myself to be more responsible with how I spend my time. As my friend has said "I want to be sure to get in at least that much exercise before I sit down and lose myself with the computer all day." Totally makes sense, since some of us (myself especially included) tend to hop on the computer and before we know it, it's time for bed. Even if we get up from our chairs for food or bathroom breaks.

The cardio exercise I have in mind for mornings would be walking. More importantly, walking on the treadmill since it is inside out of the sun and I don't necessarily have to get dressed for it. I can wear shorts and not be afraid of what others would think, especially when I haven't worn shorts at all outside of swimming last year. I also don't like to walk by myself up and down the road because we don't have sidewalks in our neighborhood. I plan on starting off with walking and gradually try to get myself to jog, and then run. Hopefully by the time I'm actually able to run, I will be comfortable wearing shorts or something other than jeans.

Some cardio exercises include running, bicycling, elliptical trainer, swimming, step aerobics, rowing, rock climbing, walking, and handball. (Yeah, I looked them up on Google.. you can too!). I wouldn't recommend rock climbing first thing in the morning though, that may not be a wise choice ;)

I am really hoping to cut my time down on being on the computer. If I must be on the computer I don't want to be on there any longer than 6 hours while sitting down. I realize that I'm used to being online for 10 hours everyday if not longer and I know for a fact this isn't healthy for me. And to imagine that I have been doing this for years. I'm sure a lot of my weight gain over the years has been factored by sitting down so much and not being active.

According to the website MyFitnessPal, at my weight I can burn 207 calories in 30 minutes by walking at a brisk pace (about 3.5mph). I'm not sure how accurate the site is on this and I had hoped for a bit more, but I'm hoping to stretch my time to an hour soon, which doubles the amount of calories burned. There are about 3500 calories in a pound. In order to walk off a pound, according to the websites, I have to walk for over 9 hours. Which is impossible for me, I'm not sure about anyone else. I can possibly work in 5 hours... maybe.. and work off 2068 calories.

By the way, for all of you swimmers out there, someone that weighs at 150lbs can burn 408 calories in an hour :) 1225 in 3 hours (I personally would burn about 1960 at my weight). It would be more beneficial to swim. Since it is summer now, I can't wait to start going swimming more often!

To sum things up, it is important to keep yourself active. Don't sit down for lengthy amounts of time. Take breaks from the computer and if you use the computer a lot in your day, be sure to get a good amount (30-60 minutes) of exercise done before you settle down for a few hours or more. The weather is turning warmer outside, enjoy your vitamin D and have fun! :)

What kind of activities do you enjoy doing that makes you move around?

Comfort Foods and Food Addictions

I realize that I have started posting once a week now instead of twice like I had originally planned. Maybe in the near future I will actually post twice a week! We shall see.

In this post I'll be talking a bit about comfort foods and food addictions.

What exactly is comfort food? It is food that when consumed, relieves negative feeling/emotions or increases positive feeling/emotions. Needless to say, if you're down in the dumps and need a pick-me-up, you generally turn to some sort of type of food that will help you feel better.

My comfort foods are usually something off the wall and enough for people to stare at me blankly or wondering if I have some sort of mental issue. Whenever I'm feeling depressed, I like to eat things such as peanut butter (especially the honey roasted creamy kind) or ice cream. These are fairly normal. However I also like food with carbs in it such as mashed potatoes if there are any located in the house. There is also sour things such as pickles, the pickle juice, olives, what have you. I also tend to attack sodas like there is no tomorrow.

One of my goals is to try and change these comfort foods into healthier choices, and to try other methods to cheer me up before resorting to food. Food also tends to be there to fend off boredom and as we all know, this isn't a good idea.

So I will instead try to change my comfort foods into things such as baby carrots (preferably without anything to dip it in like the all holy ranch dressing that tastes good with just about everything), apples, raisins, or drink flavored water. Turn those used to be not healthy comfort foods into a healthier, more satisfying snack. This will be hard because mentally, you want to eat something that tastes good to you. I have to mentally train myself that eating healthier snacks will taste just as great as well as being the better choice for my body. Easy, no but healthier, yes.

I will admit that I am rather addicted to food. When I get bored, I usually find myself spending 2-3 hours each day wandering around the kitchen at the very least looking at the food we have and wishing we had more. I don't always eat anything, but it tends to be on my mind a lot and I hate it. I have better things to think about. I will also admit that I used to nibble on food here and there in the past, but I have broken that habit by simply opening a pantry door, looking only in the spots where I know there are no food of interest, and then walking away. I will most likely post a follow up on food addictions in the near future for something more in depth of how I'm dealing with it.

So to sum things up for this post: I will need to find better choices of comfort food that are healthier for me and won't add on unnecessary weight. I will need to choose food and drinks based on what sort of vitamins and nutrients it will give me while keeping in mind of the calorie intake. Keeping in mind the serving sizes and limit myself based on those to keep up with how many calories I am consuming in comfort foods alone. I also plan to evaluate this week (starting today, Monday) on just how many times I want to turn to comfort food. This will determine how I will find other methods to cope with my emotions.

What are your comfort foods? Do you turn to sweets or convenient foods? If you find yourself nibbling on candy or other 'sugar coated' foods more than once a day, toss those out and focus on fruits and cereals that have lower sugar amounts to help switch over to better for you choices. :) See how much better it affects you!

Rebuilding Self Esteem

This video proved to be very inspirational and will be the backbone to today's post! If you can take about 8 minutes or so to watch it, it will help you keep up with the rest of the post.

 

 I want to really rebuild my self-esteem, my confidence in myself so that I will not look at myself in the mirror and think nothing of bad thoughts about myself. I want to be able to look at myself and smile. I want to believe that the size of my clothes, the number on the scale does not define who I am.

I originally started this post Friday, but never finished. Sorry! After several days of deep thinking, I can say that what I like about me, is that nothing is set in stone. I always change my mind, I'm always wanting to do more to help myself. I like that I don't try to fit into the smallest size clothing possible. Sure, some clothes can get kind of tight but I know I shouldn't wear them. I also don't wear baggy clothes out in public (my pants/jeans don't always count because the way my body is shaped there just isn't any escaping bagginess somewhere).

The next post will be about comfort foods, what they are, what mine are, and how I'm going to change them. :) I may also post the diet schedule that my parents wants us to try. We had tried it before and it appeared to be helping but we got off track..

Here's hoping that my blog may be of use for someone so far!
Do you have something you want me to talk about specifically? Comment and let me know! :D

Motivation

mo·ti·va·tion - noun \ˌmō-tə-ˈvā-shən\

Definition of MOTIVATION
1: the act or process of motivating b : the condition of being motivated
2: a motivating force, stimulus, or influence : incentive, drive
— mo·ti·va·tion·al \-shnəl, -shə-n^əl\ adjective
— mo·ti·va·tion·al·ly adverb

 

After several hours of thinking long and hard about what exactly are my motives for me to lose weight and be healthy… I have a few to share. Just to write a post a bit about why exactly I decided that enough was enough and I wanted to lose weight.

1a.  Health – I know that the more a person weighs, the more likely parts of their body will not function as properly as it should/could. I feel like the more time goes on that I am overweight, the more tired I feel every day. I don’t feel upbeat and bouncy like other people and all I ever actually feel like doing (deep down inside) is to sit down and do the things I always do. Play around on the computer. My feet will hurt after walking or standing on them for a period of time, and sometimes my knees will be sore after walking around all day. I don’t normally admit to the smaller pains, but nevertheless they are there. As of now my main concern is my back and the pain I’ve started to have to deal with there.

1b.  Energy – I’m so tired of being tired and not having the energy to get up and about. As stated above, I feel tired pretty much every day. Deep down inside I want to be able to get up and be an active person. Instead I just sit around so much when I’d really rather go do something and interact out in the world. I honestly don’t like being cooped up in the house so much.. but I just feel like whenever I go to do something I can feel myself getting tired. When I get tired enough I start getting cranky and eventually I mope around until I’m back in the house.

2. Image (clothes) – All right, as a woman I have the need to look as good as I possibly can. That is pretty much what many women do right? Even if you don’t feel like going out you’d still want to put on comfortable clothes that you think look nice. I may be partially wrong but I do admit that I have subconsciously been trying to match the clothes I wear. I really want to be able to look for clothes that are for my age group. I don’t know how many people have noticed but in a lot of clothes stores these days it is hard to find plus sized clothes for a young woman. A lot of plus sized clothing is styled for older women (I’m not separating people by ages but I’m sure a lot of people know what I’m talking about) and I really miss being able to wear more clothes that make me feel feminine. I miss wearing shirts that have really colorful patterns and textures, shirts with lower cut neck lines, etc. I walk by the smaller sized clothes and I see so many clothes I’d LOVE to have... if I could only fit into them.

3. Image (body) – For so many years I have not liked the way I looked. Period. The older I get, the more I really start looking down at myself and wondering how in the world did I let myself get this way. I don’t like seeing the way my stomach looks, I hate it when I find more stretch marks showing up. More importantly I hate it that whenever I go to a mall or somewhere with people more around my age, there are so many skinnier girls out there. It seriously makes me wonder of all places in “Overweight US” I have to live in the area with skinny people that appear to be constantly eating and never gaining a pound?

4. Relationship – The past couple of years have been a huge step up in my life compared to how I was before. Not only did I start going to college, but I’ve also gained the first serious relationship. This guy means the world to me, and he doesn’t care if I’m overweight, he just wants me to be happy and to be healthy and loves me for who I am. I want what he wants, and in order to become healthier I have got to shed off a lot of this weight. I want to be able to live a full life with him.

So what are your motives to lose weight? What makes you really want to get into better shape?

Write a list of the reasons why you really want to lose weight, tell yourself that it isn’t just a matter of wanting or needing to get healthy, that you actually have reasons to do this! Keep those in mind or have that list nearby whenever you go to eat or before you exercise, see if that helps motivate you to keep going!

Apologies and Honesty

No excuses really, I just got distracted from this blog!

And update is that no, I haven't lost weight. I'll be honest with you that I haven't really tried to lose weight yet.
Honesty is really going to be important (to me) while I try to do this, because this is my blog to show progress on how I am doing. If I'm not being honest with you, I'm not being honest with myself. That isn't going to get me much of anywhere. If I want to lie to you and myself I may as well say "Hey, I already lost 25lbs in 3 weeks that I haven't been posting!" We all know that losing that much in 3 weeks is simply impossible, especially when I'm just starting out.

Be honest with yourself. What are you going to get out of telling yourself that you have or have not done something? Sure you may temporarily feel good about it but the bottom line is, the truth will always show up in some shape or form. When you tell yourself you lost so much weight, and yet your clothes still fit, that isn't going to make you feel any better.

Also a tip I've had to learn the hard way: When you DO see that your clothes are fitting more loosely, don't automatically think that you did lose weight and you just didn't realize it. I've come across this many times. Ask yourself how long have you had the clothes you're wearing. Could it be possible that they are simply getting worn out and stretched? Still not sure? Stop by a clothes store and try on the SAME SIZE clothes you're wearing just to be sure. You don't have to buy more clothes unless you really feel it is necessary (I swear I'm not promoting shopping!) but this trip is just to confirm if your current clothes are wearing out.

I'll post again later on today about motivation, but to those of you that are reading this before I do:
What is your motivation to lose weight? Comment and let me know!

Introduction

Hello everyone! My name is Melissa, for those of you that don't know who I am.

The main purpose of my blog is to keep my friends and family in touch with my progress of losing weight and becoming a healthier me. Many of my friends and family are aware that I have been wanting to lose weight for years. I have tried many diets, and I have tried exercises. 

My problem? I blame it on me, of course, because I lose the motivation and interest after a period of time. I never kept schedules or a journal to keep up with my attempts, failures, and accomplishments. I honestly don't know or remember what has actually worked for me before I gave up.

This blog is to help keep track of those things. So let me tell you a little about me and who I am.
I am 23 years old, 5'3 and I live in Georgia. I am overweight. I have hypothyroidism and I have had it since birth. Hypothyroidism makes it harder for me to lose weight, and easier to gain weight. It doesn't help that I love food, but who doesn't? I did not have the happiest childhood, there were so many kids in school that made fun of me and made me so miserable, I eventually turned to people online for friends simply because they couldn't see me to make fun of me. As of today I still get along with people much better online, because of the fact that they can't see me to judge me based on how I look. I am very self aware when I go out to places, and feel uneasy in crowds.

I know that this will be a long and frustrating battle for me. My goal is to lose at least 20lbs by summer. It can be the beginning, middle, or end of summer, as long as it happens. As the name of my blog implies, I want to lose 20 at first, but if I lose up to 50-80 then that would be great. My ultimate goal is to go back to being 150lbs. Tone up my arms and legs and stomach.

I will start as soon as I return home, probably this weekend. Wish me luck and feel free to comment!