Well, after spending a couple of weeks on 'vacation' at my boyfriend's house I have returned home. I meant to make a blog post earlier but as of the past week or so I have hit an emotional wall regarding my weight loss journey and I am currently trying to climb over that wall to move on.
I have been struggling to lose weight for so many years and always failed because I couldn't find the motivation to keep it up. Countless diets... some like the south beach diet, and some I've made up on my own. Since it has been getting hotter outside I have noticed how hard it is to do much of anything and have a harder time being able to catch my breath. I've noticed that I have gained at least 10 pounds in the past year and that realization has really hit home while I was at my boyfriend's house.
There is no better way of putting it, but I have cried almost every night because it has finally hit me of how hard this journey is going to be. Thankfully once my spring quarter ends in a couple of weeks I will be able to reboot how computer habits so that I will spend less time sitting and more time moving around. I've been able to talk to my neighbor about using her pool for exercises, even though I hate going by myself and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know if I should swim in the early mornings, or what time would be best. My neighbor watches her grandson during the weekdays so I need to figure out when I should go swimming and not be in their way if he wants to swim. I can't exactly share the pool with him since he is a lot younger and I will be doing water exercises, like water jogging.
I haven't been able to start the rule of exercising before getting on the computer yet. I'm ashamed of that, but I have started taking frequent breaks from the computer. I have found links for exercises that I want to try to start doing. I couldn't start them at my boyfriend's as a majority of them do involve a ball. Stability ball, whatever you may want to call it. I have mine here at home so I do want to start those sort of exercises again next to walking.
I don't know... I have felt so lost and depressed because I have been trying to mentally prepare and plan on what all I'm going to do and not only have I not actually started on anything but I've gained a few pounds. It's hard to look at myself in the mirror or even put my clothes on because while I don't think I've physically look like I've gained, just knowing I have makes me think that my stomach looks larger. I haven't really received as much support about my weight loss journey as I thought I would. Being overweight and trying to do something about it does take a lot of emotional strain, especially when you go walking and you get out of breath and tired before you've even walked for 5 minutes.
I need a buddy to help me through this, I think. Someone to talk about my strategies and plans, maybe go walking with me twice a month or more. If not physically being there to help, someone to keep talking to me about it and keep me pumped up and determined to do this.
I can do this. I know I can and I want to. I just need help.
